Growing Up: How God is Using the “Gap Year”.

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What an amazing year this has been!!

(No, I didn’t meet the man of my dreams.)

I didn’t buy a new car or house, or win any accolades.

I didn’t lose weight or get published.

I didn’t do ANY of the things that are signals of cultural success. 

I worked a job…one that pays less than teaching (if you can imagine that). I ate (yummy delicious food, rabbit food, junk food, ALL THE FOOD!), I barely wrote (thanks for not judging me for the hiatus), I mothered my kiddo, and co-parented with her dad.

I sat with massive piles of laundry on the bed, clutter in our room, listened to audiobooks and podcasts, I perused the interwebs and scrolled through my IG.  I read my devotional (most days). I relaxed. I got wound up. I laughed and I cried. I did NOT wax my legs. I’ve said yes,  I’ve said no. I have struggled in therapy with my feelings of resentment and insecurity. I’ve been doing the most basic, normal/mundane, NECESSARY things. 

And these VERY things that have been so “routine” have blessed and grown me more than I

In this most BASIC and ORDINARY year, God has shown me so much. In this trip around the sun, I have been learning to truly let go and forgive.  I’m learning to assert myself, to be a better sister/daughter/mom/friend, enjoy myself, practice patience, be by myself, face rejection without falling apart, and just let God be God!  (Disclaimer: this does NOT mean I’ve mastered ANY of these things…*hopefully I’ll write more about the idea of mastering something and how it has impacted me*… it just means I’m having opportunities to trust God more in these areas.) *it’s helping me with my lists, people! (side note: go google Priscilla Shirer sermons…The Holy Spirit gave her an AWESOME WORD about THIS VERY TOPIC! I pray it blesses you like it’s blessed me!)

As I talked to my therapist today, (one of our last sessions…I LOVE YOU Dr. B!) I reflected on how much I’ve grown in the past year!  There has been such a tremendous blessing in the “mundane” and “everyday” tasks.  To cherish each of the little nuggets over the past year makes my heart so full and continuously confirms that I’m EXACTLY where God wants me to be.  I’m not being neurotic about food or my weight. I am getting better at mothering with grace (trusting God with my child and not beating myself up for not being the “perfect mom”). The Holy Spirit is helping me to feel less guilty about “not keeping up” with the blog, and more inspired to jot ideas down and get to blogging them when God helps me to QUIET THE NOISE and blesses me with the words to articulate the notes into coherent sentences.  

God is helping me to loosen the reins on the budget and trust Him to provide everything we need.  *While that doesn’t mean I stopped saving, planning, and exercising wisdom (Luke 16:11,Matthew 6:24, Proverbs 21:20); it DOES mean that I’m not looking to hoard every penny like a squirrel* (You’d think I hadn’t learned it from reading scripture)

Matthew 6:19-21 reminds us to lay up for ourselves the heavenly treasures where moth and rust don’t destroy. (paraphrasing)  and TBH (look at me using the young folk shorthand) I had no idea that this was part of where God was going to grow me.  I had hoped that this would be an area where I could experience growth before starting law school (because, I have allowed finances to be such a point of anxiety for me).  I’ve learned that I don’t need zillions of dollars stored up in savings. I don’t need a new home or car. I don’t need six pack abs (but if it’s the Lord’s will *hahaha). I don’t need a romantic “man friend”. 

Do I want some of these things? Sure. Do I have the patience to wait it out? I sure hope so. Do I believe that The Holy Spirit will help me to keep leaning on the Lord in my weakness? ABSOLUTELY.  As I grow, I am learning the things that trip me up.  I’m learning the thoughts and events that trigger my insecurities. I am more prepared to continue to go in the way The Holy Spirit will lead.

I hope and pray you are well and that when you reflect over the last year that you are able to see how God has grown you too!

-Courtney

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