Yesterday was quite the day.
I’ve finished a summer of working 10 hour days at my day job and leaving to work another 3 or 4 hours at the night job.
I am excited for the rest and relaxation that will come before the start of the school year.
I thought that the transition from work to rest would be seamless. That is, seamless in the sense that God would let me just go about my merry way without having anything poignant to say to me. I wasn’t in search of a word or expectant of God to move anymore than He already had been.
I mean c’mon, 2017 was quite a year. From being delivered from the situation of my marriage, to the process of walking through the feelings of rejection after the divorce. From the 16-years of residual fear of taking the LSAT to six scholarships to attend law school. What more could I (or should I) expect God to do?
I’ve spent the better part of the year working, saving, and decluttering. I cleared out the storage unit, left my fancy gym (fancy=expensive), and cut out unnecessary spending. I was going through the process of putting in the work to “get on my own two feet.”
There is this myth in our culture that we need to be self-sufficient before we can get a “stamp of approval” from the world. God’s word says, if we are waiting for validation and applause from the world, then when we receive it, we have received our reward. I don’t know about you, but that’s not the kind of reward I want. I want the everlasting reward (which I have). I want to grasp a hold of all that God has for me and the truth is I cannot have any of that if I am trusting in the “reliability” of being self- sufficient.
In Christ, there’s no such thing as being self-sufficient! I can’t do a single thing successfully in my own strength.
And neither can you.
God has been showing me that if I throw away the garbage narrative that purports if I just pick up where I think God has left off then I can carry this through the finish line (or that that I should be able to finish what He has started).
Me?!? Finish what THE ALMIGHTY GOD has started???
*throat punches self* (figuratively, of course.)
Who do I think I am?!?
God doesn’t NEED ME!
I need HIM!! Desperately!
I felt that if I just saved up enough money that my anxiety about going to law school would disappear. It’s like I was saying to God, “Thanks for getting me in on a scholarship. But I’ll take it from here”. In my pursuit of self-sufficiency via saving up money (which in my eyes, I was KILLING the savings game). God has shown me in other parts of my life that self-sufficiency is NOT A THING!!
I was talking to my dear friend Tamika about how the enemy will study what trips us up. We will be lulled to spiritual sleep and start getting comfortable. Thinking we actually DONE SOMETHING!
And then…BAM!! Something that we thought we had conquered (poor financial planning, healthy lifestyle, spiritual discipline, etc.) will rear its ugly head and remind us that ONLY GOD, can bring us through situations with peace, joy, and victory.
Now it doesn’t mean that I sit back and don’t put in work but I do need to check my motivation meter and make sure that the end goal ISN’T to arrive at a place where I pick up where God leaves off!
This post started with the myth of self-sufficiency.
The truth is only through Jesus Christ our Lord can we grab hold of any PAST, PRESENT, and FUTURE victory. And whatever victory we have is through leaning on Christ.
God is always at work. Keep leaning.