I believe a mistake that a lot of believers make is not making prayer a regular integral part of their daily life. Using prayers as life preserver.
A last resort.
This was me.
When I knew I didn’t want to trust the Holy Spirit within me, I would just pray that God would make it so obvious, so unbearable, so unmistakable that I wouldn’t have the option to feign ignorance.
Be careful what you pray for.
God answers prayers.
Initially, my prayers were focused on everything but God truly changing me.
I would pray that God would show me…what he was doing, why he was doing it, and how to be the wife he needed, and I’d be obedient to whatever God told me to do.
And God did that…
Now there were ALL kinds of “red flags”. Secret phone calls, emergency business trips, meetings that ran late all too often, a phone that while in my presence he never took his eye off of (and kept fully charged) but when he was away, the charger would get “lost” and the phone would “die”.
*Remember I wanted MY (ex) husband…so badly that I quieted the Holy Spirit in me.
But I continued to pray for God to reveal to me what was going on and EVEN in my disobedience God heard my prayers and God was answering them. THE. ENTIRE. TIME.
There’s a tale about the man in the flood who kept asking God to save him all the while ignoring the help God was sending and he eventually died thinking God was absent, all because he was too busy feeling forsaken that he missed all the signs and ignored the help that was right in front of him.
That was me.
My focus was always on my husband. Fix Him God (as though I’m the perfect one…). I kept ignoring the plank in my own eye…my selfishness, my self-centeredness was so large in my life that it overshadowed the truth that God was placing right in my face.
After a while, as I continued to ignore the Holy Spirit I added to that prayer…
BREAK HIS HEART FOR YOU GOD.
This is where the “DANGER” came, (*in my very best Mystikal impersonation)
I prayed that addition for months as God was working. I was asking God to do something in my (ex) husband’s life that would drive him back to Jesus’s side. To put circumstances in my (ex) husband’s life to humble him, to show him the RIGHT WAY to be in a marriage.
Things I forgot when I would pray this prayer:
My (ex) husband and I were ONE Flesh…
What happened to my (ex) husband would be happening to me…
God operates in HIS OWN way and in HIS OWN time.
To be completely honest, I had no idea what I was continuously asking God to do in my marriage. I had no idea what the answer to these prayers would look like when “played out”.
God revealed my (ex) husband’s infidelity on different occasions and it wasn’t enough to wake me up, our inability to connect and communicate in truth wasn’t enough to make me let go of MY list and MY marriage.
(Now I’m not saying infidelity alone, should be enough to make someone walk away from their marriage, it certainly wasn’t enough for me. I am saying don’t ignore and excuse away issues that are revealed without truly addressing them, in exchange for “keeping the peace”)
The dangerous prayer (for me) was the prayer where I was pleading with God to do something drastic in MY (ex) husband to make him do right (by me) without consciously recognizing that in this I would need to do right (by GOD) and that God would bring us all out of this situation; but when I surrendered I would have NO CONTROL over how this would end.
How naive of me.
Silly Courtney, God is SUPREME!
What dangerous prayers are you praying? When you surrender circumstances to God do you realize that God WILL work it out but the WAY it works out is not up to you?
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” 1Corinthians 11:13
“You shall be careful to perform what goes out from your lips, just as you have voluntarily vowed to the LORD your God, what you have promised.” Deuteronomy 23:23