What do you do when things just start “clicking”?
Other than do a praise dance?
Have you ever been on the edge of what you feel has got to be your purpose and being scared out of your wits?
So, eight years ago I earned my Masters degree in Educational Leadership. I partly went that route because the bulk of my graduate degree was free of charge, but it would certainly be a great addition to my resume in the event that I wanted to go into school administration.
In a previous post, I mentioned my desire to pursue a J.D. from roughly 16 years ago. Well, I’ve spent the last six months studying for the December LSAT. Scores were projected to be released on January 3rd but it turns out that they are being released TWO WEEKS EARLY!
I’ve also been accepted into the Aspiring Leadership Academy for educators desiring to move into administration. I’ve been acting as a substitute dean on occasion to gain more administrative experience. The program lasts about six months and upon successful completion, I’d be eligible to apply for Assistant Principal positions.
I had an interview for a position at my alma mater working in education innovation. The interview went well, I was pretty psyched about potentially getting this job but also open to it not happening for me.
So while the interview went well, I ultimately was not offered the position. When I got the news, I may have been bummed for about a second, but it didn’t kill my spirit. This is the first time in my life where I feel like opportunities are everywhere I look and I KNOW this is no coincidence.
Soooo back to the edge of greatness…
These LSAT scores were supposed to be released on January 3rd, 2018. But instead, they were released on December 22nd, 2017. Imagine my angst when the email popped up…AFTER I had been checking and hitting refresh in my inbox for HOURS…It’s like finally getting the best news ever and being scared out of your mind.
When I saw my score I was super excited! While it wasn’t the goal score that I had initially set at the start of my studies, it was 16 points higher than my diagnostic. And apparently, it was a score that would encourage schools to take a look at me. A friend encouraged me to apply to my reach school for the upcoming fall.
*This was not part of my plan, I planned on taking both the February and June LSAT and applying for admission to the Fall 2019 1L class*
When I told my mom my score and what my friend mentioned about applying to start a year ahead of “my schedule”, she looked at me, and said “Okay, so you’re applying! Right?” I must have looked scared. I could feel my face getting hot and tears welling up in my eyes, and she said “So you’re scared now? You’ve wanted this for too long to be scared!”
She wasn’t lying. She had picked up on what was my internal (and apparently external) freakout like only a mother can do. Is this what it feels like to be on the edge of something great? Excitement mixed with a pinch of anxiety. Butterflies in your stomach with a lump in your throat. The feeling that you get at the start of a roller coaster up until you get to the first big drop. Is it really all of these mushed together? Patiently, (but not always so patiently) and actively waiting for the next step?
So, I spent weeks ironing out a few personal statements, diversity statements, and putting the best application that I could for five different schools. God certainly gave me words to share and I did just that. I didn’t really do much studying. When I did try to study, it felt forced, so I backed off. I stopped spreading myself so thin and lasered in on the application process.
Being on the edge of greatness may be just putting myself out there.
Putting on my shoes and walking out my faith.
I used to place all my eggs in one basket, believing that this time has just GOT TO BE THE TIME that things work. I get excited, start to imagine all the wonderful things that will fall into place once I’ve achieved “fill-in-the-blank”. Only to be back to square one when whatever it is, doesn’t pan out.
My hopes aren’t tied up in going to law school.
My hopes aren’t tied up in becoming an assistant principal
My hopes are tied up in Christ and living a life that is an example of the love of Christ.
I have become more “moldable” on this journey. I’ve become open to pursuing things that once scared me.
More importantly, I’m not forcing something to fit.
And that is the amazing part.
I used to feel that being on the edge of greatness was similar to being at a fork in the road. If I take one road that MUST mean that pursuing the other was a no go.
As if God was a game show host and choosing door number 1 was like rejecting and missing out on what’s behind doors 2 and 3.
That’s just NOT TRUE.
Being on the edge of greatness is wrestling with the sticky faith. Wrestling with the belief that God has a plan for you but also knowing that God has given you free will. That He desires for us to pursue and live out a faith that is a product our intimacy and love with and for Him. That through your relationship you will grow to take hold of the peace that is so readily available to you. To not be plagued with guilt, uncertainty, fear, or hopelessness.
There are times where we are on the edge of greatness and we step back simply out of fear that we are making the wrong decision. This isn’t a call for you to take risks with wreckless abandon. It’s a call to grow closer to Christ, to be prayerful (even when we have to force ourselves), to walk your faith out for the entire world to see. To be alright with stumbling, and open to going down the “wrong” path. It’s knowing that you have the free will, strength, and all the guidance you’ll ever need to start fresh despite what the world around you may be saying.
Here’s to sticky faith and taking the leap away from fear and into the greatness that God has in store for you!